When I was a child and someone called me a name, my comeback was always, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” But to be honest, the words hurt. I just did not want to show weakness in that moment because I knew that if the other kids saw their words had an impact, the teasing and name-calling would become relentless.
I will admit that, as a child and well into my twenties, the name-calling affected me. You might say I was weak, and maybe I was. But the bullying I endured as a child influenced many of the choices I made as an adult. That is a fact I eventually had to confront and overcome.
I have seen, both in myself and in others, the impact that words can have. It is interesting that the negative things people say often stay with us the longest.
Some of the greatest influences in my life were my mother and my brothers. My mother always told us that if we worked hard and did what was right, we could accomplish anything. I believed her until I entered the world and heard different messages. The world told me I was not smart enough, not good-looking enough, too Black, or not Black enough, whatever that means.
I struggled with reading and writing to the point that I was told I should consider not going to college. I did not listen. However, I allowed those voices of doubt to influence my direction in life, which led to hardships and failures.
As a young man, I was angry. I chose to deal with my hurt by causing pain to others. I believed that if I could make someone feel worse than I did, it would somehow make me feel better. I eventually learned that it does not work that way. Instead, it leads you into an even darker place than the one you were already in.
It took a college professor, along with the forgiveness and support of my mother and brothers, to help me find my way out of that darkness. I also had to learn to forgive myself and seek forgiveness from those I had hurt.
Words have power.
For some people, words may have little or no impact. For many others, they stir emotions that influence how they think, feel, and act. It is why a coach gives an inspiring speech before a big game. It is also why groups fueled by hate use words to justify discrimination and hostility toward others.
We have all heard stories about how social media has been used to shame people, sometimes leading individuals to harm themselves or others. We see the power of words every day in our political arenas, where disagreements often escalate into division and hostility.
Words have power.
In both my faith journey and my dignity journey, I find myself tested every day. How do I respond when my dignity is harmed? How do I keep myself from harming the dignity of others?
The truth is that we are all capable of both.
Most days I stand strong, but there are still moments when I hear my mother’s voice reminding me that I am heading down the wrong road.
I often speak with people who have been hurt by words. I can see their pain, and my first instinct is to fix it. More often than not, however, what they need is not a solution. They needed someone to just listen to them.
People want to be heard. They want to know that they matter. They want to feel understood and be given the benefit of the doubt. When we violate these tenets of dignity, we have a responsibility to acknowledge the harm and work to make things right.
Over the years, I have spoken about dignity with teams I have led, college students, and groups at the request of organizational leaders. I also share these lessons through this Dignity Blog, which I have been writing since July 2020.
I have witnessed positive changes in teams and leaders. I have also heard from many readers who tell me that this blog has become part of their weekly reading and that they share it with their families.
I am honored to share my stories and to continue sharing the importance of dignity, just as it was once shared with me.
When it comes to our words, we all have a choice.
Our words can heal, inspire, honor dignity, and change lives. Or they can harm others, create anger, damage relationships, and diminish dignity.
Your words have power.
The choice is yours in how you use them
Charles Redd RN
Dignity Freedom Fighter.
