I was reading a letter this morning that my son wrote to me last year on Senior Day. Each student writes a letter to their parents and shares it with them on the week before graduation. As I read his letter again, the sentence that stood out the most to me was the fact that he thanked me for helping him become the person he is today. There is no greater gift for a parent than to know that they have had a positive impact on their child(ren). It got me to think about my journey through life and the struggles I have had. There were times I didn’t think I would make it. There were times I wasn’t always the best person and there were times I made bad choices. Through it all here I stand today striving to be the best person I can be with the hope of helping others be the best they can be.
There is this song by Five for Fighting called “100 Years” and there is a line that sticks out most to me, “As time goes by suddenly your wise.” The through is that as we age, we gain wisdom and it then becomes our responsibility to take what we have learned to help others, but as we know getting older doesn’t always correlate to making better choices or does it always mean we will make great mentors. I believe the key to growing wiser and becoming the person you desire to be starts with dignity. Most importantly, it all starts with honoring the dignity of yourself.
I was recently reading Dr. Donna Hicks’ first book on Dignity, Dignity: Its Essential Role in Resolving Conflict and she defines dignity as “an inherent value all humans are born with.” It is different than respect because respect is something that is earned. The challenge is in recognizing how we work to honor dignity, and it all starts with how we treat the person that is staring back in the mirror at us. It is a journey but once we take that walk it will change our lives.
As I look back on my life, I have come to understand that I spent a good part of it seeking out my dignity through others. I am not talking about when you are recognized and acknowledge for something you did. I am talking about actively seeking approval because you cannot accept who you are, recognize that you have value, to give yourself the benefit of the doubt, and to know your identity comes from within not from what others tell you who you should be. I spent much of my teens, twenties, and thirties trying to be someone who people would accept. I was a chameleon. I would mode to fit the group I was in. When you do not honor the dignity in yourself, how will you ever honor others and be the example for those who come after you.
I can’t remember when things started to change for me, but I do remember when I recognized what dignity truly meant, and it was when my good friend Yemisi introduced me to Dr. Hicks Ten Essentials of Dignity and eventually to Dr. Hicks PhD herself. They changed my life and it helped rebuild the foundation my mother started in me 62 years ago. I work hard to be a good example and mentor. I am not perfect, but I strive every day to do things that will make others’ lives better.
If anyone asked me today what my greatest accomplishment is. I would tell them that I have the love of my three children and that they tell me how I have had a positive impact on their lives. No award or recognition could be greater than that.
Like Yemisi, Dr. Hicks, and Phyllis Redd King, I will continue to honor the dignity of myself, others, and to a higher power. I hope my journey will touch the lives of others like these three great women have. To all my friends and family, thank you for accepting me for who I am.
In the words of Coldplay, “You got all may Love. Whether it rains or pours, I’m all yours.”
Blessed to have you in my life and I am now older and wiser 😊
Charles Redd RN
Dignity Freedom Fighter
Dignity Freedom Fighter 