Dignity: There is Light in the Storm 

My ex-mother-in-law and my oldest daughter’s grandmother passed away last week. It caused me to think about my first marriage. Although my ex-wife and I failed at marriage as I look back on that time, I have come to realize the important milestones and accomplishments that happened at that time in my life that took me on the journey I am on today. This time was the turning point in my life and although I still had a lot of learning and growing to do the years from 1987 to 1996 had a powerful impact in helping me on my journey in becoming a better person. A person who sought forgiveness and embraced dignity. 

It is rare that someone would talk about a failed marriage in this way but as I have grown, I realized I played a big part in the failure, but I am not writing about my failures. I want to share with you the gems that came from the struggle. I want to share with you the blessings I received, and I want to talk about how a nine-year marriage had a positive impact on the direction of my life. 

My oldest daughter was born in September 1988. Cassandra has grown to be an amazing daughter and a mother. She turned a wonderer into a father. I am so much more because of her than I ever thought I could be. She brought out the parent in me that was planted within me so long ago by my mother. I realized in a very short time that I had a responsibility to change for her and for me. She was my reason for going back to school. It wasn’t easy and the change wasn’t instant because her mother and I divorced but it led to something I did not have a relationship with her father. That journey made me a better father to her siblings Dakota and Anthony.  

My former mother-in-law was a nurse so when she heard I was going to Berkshire Community College, she offered me support and encouragement, but it became more than that. She was the reason I was able to graduate with my class. I had to pay for school, so I worked 2 jobs. During my last semester I had to take 14 credits. It was hard but I made it through. The issue was I did not have the final payment. It was the last day the payment was due and when I went to the college, they told me I had a zero balance. I found out six months later she paid the balance. Even though she knew my marriage to her daughter was ending she still believed in me. I paid her back, and she will always be part of the reason I was able to succeed and graduate. 

I have regrets because no one goes into a marriage thinking it isn’t forever. I owe my part in its failure, but I don’t regret it because through all the trials great things came from it. I want to say to Bev D. thank you for believing in me and always treating me with dignity. I want to thank my ex-wife for her part in helping me graduate and become a nurse, and to my daughter Cassandra for being my inspiration.  

“In the midst of darkness, light persists.” – Mahatma Gandhi 

Charles Redd RN  

Dignity Freedom Fighter