This is a sad week for my family. My father passed this week. It has been almost 2 years since my mother and the love of his life passed on December 10, 2023. I am happy that they will be together, I am joyful that he no longer has pain, but sad that he is no longer here with us. Wayne “Pop” King, you will be missed by all of us.
I have been writing this dignity blog since July 2020. As I look back on my past post, there is one area I have not addressed. It is how we treat people during the end of life. Honoring dignity is not just for those who are here but for those who have left us. Their dignity needs to be honored and preserved even though they are no longer physically here. I have been a nurse for thirty years. I have seen and cared for patients who have died. It can be a difficult thing when you are trained to save lives but sometimes, we need to learn how to let go and allow people to take that last breath because we know it is the right thing to do. This is a difficult thing to talk about, but it is important to understand that dignity is a right we have from when we take our first breath to when we take our last and beyond.
I remember the day when I was the charge nurse of a medical unit. It was a busy day. Towards the end of the day, we had a code. The patient’s heart had stopped. We did everything we could for her. The patient’s family member was in the room. The doctor made the decision to call the code. We covered the patient to her shoulders, and we let her daughter say goodbye. A few days later the daughter stopped me in the hall and expressed gratitude that we allowed her to stay but that we took into consideration her thoughts when she said my mother wouldn’t want this. She thanked us for honoring her mother’s wishes.
The same day after the first code, I was getting a patient ready for discharge. I walked him to the wheelchair his wife was waiting outside the door. Suddenly, the patient went limp and slid out of the chair. I yelled to have a code called and I started CPR. After several rounds of CPR and medications, the doctor called the code. He then walked to the hallway and said to the wife, “he didn’t make it.” Then he walked away. The look on her face I will never forget. On that day we did not honor the wife’s dignity or the person she spent 40 years with.
I have had the honor to work with hospice patients, and I have talked to and held the hands of many patients and their families when their loved one took that final breath. The care I took of their loved one even in death was an honor. The fact that someone would invite me to their home to share that moment meant the world to me. So, I wanted to honor that by caring for their loved one with dignity.
To my brother Tracy, this is a sad time for us but the sacrifice you made for Pop so that he could live the last 2 years in his home was the best gift you could give him. You honored his dignity. We are grateful and so is our mother.
We miss you, Ma and Pop.
Charles Redd RN
Dignity Freedom Fighter
Dignity Freedom Fighter 