On my ride to work I began thinking back to when I was young growing up in Boston. I am not sure what triggered these memories, but it was a reminder of where I have been and how far I have come. I believe these memories help me to understand why I am the person I am today, and why I strive to work to help make others’ lives better.
It is interesting. When I look back on all the “Dumb” things I did it all came down to two important words, “Being Included.” I wanted people to like me. I would do whatever it took to feel wanted and accepted. I think all young people go through this. We want to find our own self-worth through the acceptance of others. When you are young you do not understand that this comes from within or for me it comes from my faith. We believe we need the stamp of approval from others to feel our lives have value. I believed that all the way into my twenties and early thirties. It is probably why I made so many poor choices.
When we lack self-worth, we give power to people over us because they will make us feel included and we will do anything to keep that feeling going. It is why you see kids getting into gangs. If you ask them why, they will say this is my family. It seems so simple when I put it in words, but it isn’t. That emptiness builds over time until you get to a point where you do not care what fills it. I got to that point by the time I was fifteen. The pain was so great that it put me in a deep depression, and it took me years to climb out.
I am not sure how I got to that point because I had an amazing family who loved me. But there seemed to be this dark place inside that they could reach and believe me they tried. I ran away from the people who loved me, and I was drawn to those who treated me like the lint on their sweater. Even though they treated me badly I would drop everything when they called. When I think back on it, I can’t believe I tolerated it. I wanted everyone to like me and if they didn’t, I worked hard to get them to change their minds. I do know that this desire made me a sad and angry person, and it kept me away from my family, the people who truly loved me.
It was when my oldest daughter was born that I began my journey in understanding where true self-worth comes from. It is my two other children who help me continue my dignity adventure. My mother and brothers who love me unconditionally and my wife and in-laws who love me for whom I am. But most important it was my internal journey that has brought me to where I am today. I learned to connect my dignity to myself, to others, and to something higher.
I have been blessed that I have people in my life who stayed strong with me and supported me in my journey. I hope that I have done the same for them. Every day I get the opportunity to have an impact on someone’s life. I can open the door for them and help them through, or I can close the door behind me and judge them for their mistakes. The choice is mine.
I choose to honor dignity.
Charles Redd RN
Dignity Freedom Fighter
Dignity Freedom Fighter 