“Do not heal in isolation. Connecting with others is how we develop compassion for others and for ourselves.”
Bishop Desmond Tutu
I have learned some valuable lessons in the 60 plus years I have been on this Earth and no lesson has been more valuable than honoring dignity. It seems like an easy thing to do. Who doesn’t want to be inclusive or accepted for who they are. We want to be acknowledged, understood, and feel safe, and we want others to feel that way. Most of us want feedback and want to give feedback and when we cause harm, we want to right the wrong. It all seems so easy but if that were the case things would go much smoother in our lives. The reality is that our dignity is tested every day. We are all capable of being harmed as well as causing harm. What matters is the lessons we learn in these instances that will dictate the kind of person we will become.
I want to tell you something about me. I wasn’t always the nicest person. I didn’t always honor dignity. I was selfish and put my needs before all others. It is not wrong to put ourselves first sometimes but when you are a parent or a spouse your selfishness should not cause harm to those who love you and depend on you. There were choices that I made in my life that I thought were unforgiveable. I had to learn to forgive myself and learn why I was that person and then figure out how to become better. It is an everyday journey for me and sometimes I slip and fall but with dignity as part of my DNA I have learned in those times to right the wrong, forgive myself and ask for forgiveness.
I am writing this today because I am struggling to find balance. As a nurse I help people from all walks of life. I also work with people who have different backgrounds and beliefs. I struggle when my beliefs are opposite to someone I work with or someone I am helping. You see I have learned that for me to help others I must remain neutral because the goal is to help that person or it is to be able to work side by side with someone who I know does have my beliefs or whose cultural beliefs are different than mine. If we have a common goal that is all that matters. When I stray from this that is when my biases take over and then the goal of helping others or teamwork is lost.
I have written mission, vision, and values that live by. I read them every day. It is what sets my day for the challenges ahead. They are the foundation of who I am and what I want to be. I take pride in the fact that I can work with almost anyone. As long as we are focused on the same goals that is what matters the most. People like to talk to me. They share their thoughts with me, and I am honored that they feel that they can do that. Often what they believe may be the opposite of what I believe but that is fine with me. I can work with anyone as long as our end goal is the same.
It took me a long time to be able to embrace differences. If I was friends with someone or worked with someone who didn’t think like me, I couldn’t work with them or be their friend. Not only that, but I would also let it be known I did not like them, and I would make it hard for them to be around me. I didn’t give them a chance. I had to learn through dignity that we can come together in our differences and still accomplish our goals as well as build an everlasting relationship. If not for honoring dignity I would not have been as good a nurse, father, husband, friend, or colleague.
What am I trying to say in these 600 plus words I have put down. Well, I think that Bishop Desmond Tutu from his book, “The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World” said it best,
“It is true that when we harm others, we harm ourselves; but it is just as true that when we help others, we also help ourselves.”
“There is a certain kind of dignity we admire, and to which we aspire, in the person who refuses to meet anger with anger, violence with violence, or hatred with hatred.”
I hope you have a Blessed weekend
Charles Redd RN
Dignity Freedom Fighter
Dignity Freedom Fighter 