It is interesting how much I have learned about myself by looking back on my life. I have learned that the choices and decisions I have made in the past not only impacted me but also those around me. I do have regrets in my life. People will often say you shouldn’t focus on those poor choices but for me I am learning more about who I am by those choices and how I have learned to change the direction of my life by learning from my experiences. Dr. Donna Hicks calls this the “Vulnerability Inventory” and by taking my inventory I have come to understand how dignity violations had brought me to a place where I didn’t want to be and to help me find the person I desired to be and the person my mother raised me to be.
I have been talking about the importance of honoring dignity since 2019. I have been writing about dignity since July of 2020. It is amazing to me how I continue to learn and grow the more I teach. I have had the honor of talking about dignity for the last 3 years to the second-year students at Berkshire Community College. Usually, I would talk about the Ten Essentials of Dignity created by Dr. Hicks, and I would share stories. This week when I spoke to students I took a different approach. I wanted to make this interactive and not a lecture. I wanted to make it personal for each student. I can define the essentials of dignity but to get the essence of what they mean would need to come from personal experiences. What does it feel like in those times when you felt safe, understood, or included and what did it feel like when those things were violated by someone or when you caused harm. This conversation had a significant impact on me, and I hope on the students as well.
Dr. Hicks writes about the 3 connections to dignity, connect to the dignity of yourself, the dignity of others, and to something higher. I believe that it all starts with your connection to your own dignity. If we can’t treat ourselves with dignity, how will we honor the dignity of others. But it is not just how we treat ourselves but how those dignity violations we experienced impact how we treat ourselves and others. This became more apparent when I began sharing my own stories and the students shared theirs.
I will honor the students by not sharing their stories in this post, but I will tell you what I learned about myself as I talked to them about my experiences. I spent much of my teenage years into my forties trying to prove I belonged. I looked for and desired confirmation that I was accepted. Trying to get the acceptance of others often had me making poor choices. I would violate the dignity of others so that the group in power would look at me as one of them. I saw myself as less than despite what my mother tried to teach me. I worked to become what I thought people needed me to be instead of doing what was right. I had to learn that honoring dignity and doing the right thing isn’t always the easy path and sometimes you are standing in the minority, but it is about doing what is right even when those in power try to put roadblocks in front of you and you want to revert back to looking for acceptance no matter what the cost.
I am not sure I am making sense in the words I am typing. I am struggling every day to stay on the right path. If I could say anything to the students at BCC, I would say thank you for reminding me about the importance of honoring dignity and that doing what is right. I hope that my words have impacted you like yours have impacted me.
When we honor dignity, we can impact generations.
Charles Redd RN
Dignity Freedom Fighter
Dignity Freedom Fighter 