I want to take this moment to remember Quartermaster Lou Conter who is the last survivor of USS Arizona which currently sits at the bottom Pearl Harbor. 1100 sailors and marines were lost on that ship on that day of June 6, 1941. Quartermaster Conter died this week at the age of 102. You may wonder why I am writing about Mr. Conter in my dignity post. Well for me it is a reminder that soon the “Greatest Generation” will no longer be here. All we will have left are what is written in the history books and the memories of the stories we were told. It touches me because as a nurse I took care of many of our World War II heroes. Those moments I will always remember because they had a significate impact on me.
Today Quartermaster Conter’s death reminds me of the four people who came into my life back in 1998. They are gone now but I celebrate them by trying to be the best person that I can. They were part of the greatest generation but more than that they were family. Today I want to remember William McCarty and Harold Hall, both WW II heroes, and their wives Elaine McCarty and Lu Hall. Our journey to become a family was a rocky one. Those generational differences often caused conflict. It took many years for the five of us to understand each other but when we did, we became family.
My dignity journey unknowing started with them. They taught me that having differences isn’t always a barrier and that with understanding and with open and honest conversation you can look past the generational differences and the color differences to become one family. For the longest time I believed I wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t anything anyone did. It was a burden I carried most of my life. It was my journey to build a relationship with my in-laws’ parents that has helped me on my way to a better life where I value honoring the dignity of myself and others.
I want to be honest. I came into the journey carrying a lot of bias. I already believe I would not be excepted by them because I was Black. I was divorced with a child, and I was much older than their granddaughter. I want you to know that no one made me feel that way. It was my own belief because of past experiences. I put a wall up that would have been hard for anyone to break through. Maybe all those things I believed were true, but I did not leave them the opportunity to know me. Even when I had success in my career it didn’t change things in our relationship. It wasn’t until I let down my guard and put aside my biases that we took the journey of understanding and became a real family. That breakthrough set me on a course that has led to much success in my life. I became a better person, leader, father, husband, brother, and son. Letting down those walls and opening up to all those emotions changed the five of us. I am grateful that before they left this earth, they got to know me, and I got to know them, and we got to share the love that a family should share.
Bill, Elaine, Lu, and Haly taught me that when we can accept people for who they are, come to an understanding about our differences, and acknowledge that we can come together even through differences there is nothing we can’t change.
Over the last 7 or 8 years our family has had some significant loses Bill, Elaine, Lu, Haly and my mom Phyllis. I am the luckest person to have such great teachers in my life. What you have given me I do not know how to repay. I will do my best to carry on in the way you expect of me. You are all a part of the new me. I carry your strength, wisdom and bad jokes (Bill) with me always. As long as I can speak and write your memory will remain alive.
I miss you every day.
Charles Redd RN
Dignity Freedom Fighter
Dignity Freedom Fighter 