Dignity: With Change Comes Failure 

We have all heard people say that change is hard. Most of us what to keep the status quo because we get comfortable with doing it how we always do it. I get that. I live much of my life that way. The thought of changing scared me. I would never challenge myself for the fear of failure. No one wants to fail. If I was standing in front of a room full of people and asked, “Who wants to fail today?” How many hands do you think would go up in the air? I worked so hard at trying not to fail that my life was at a standstill. When you are standing in one place for too long it changes you. You are fearful of going forward. You never take chances and when times get hard you run. I was the champion of running away. When it got hard, I went the other way.  

Taking a chance knowing that you could fail gives you opportunities. It opens doors that were closed. It helps you to realize you are more than what you think of yourself. You are more than the box others put you in. My mother taught me that. She didn’t care what others thought when she decided to raise three boys on her own. She didn’t care what the statistics said about single Black mothers. She only knew that she had to move forward and create a home for her sons and instill in them what she had, and it was not to let fear hold her back from doing what was right. I am sure she failed but, in those failures, she built an amazing life for us. Failure was not an option for her, and change was constant. She was my mentor in my darkest times. She loved me when I succeeded and when I failed. I miss my life coach. 

It took me a long time to get to where my mother was. She was a leader. She gave three men the opportunity to be their best selves. We just took time to figure all that out. I was so afraid of failure and change that I didn’t realize I was failing. I was failing my family and myself. I had to learn to take chances knowing that failure would have consequences but the amazing thing I realize is that when you stand still you will aways be in the same place. When I took chances, I had successes and failures but what I also discovered is that in those times people wanted to support you, opportunities opened, and you were no longer standing in one place. It was hard and there was pain, but I would be where I am today without those failures. 

I was at this leadership training for the Partnership, INC and there was an acronym I will always remember. “FADAF” Failures and Difficulties are Feedback. This is written on my goal statement. It keeps me moving forward. I believe this change in me helped me to be a better person and a better nurse. I see people all the time who are working to become better. Whether it is to overcome substance use or become healthier. Sometimes they win and sometimes they fail. I have learned not to judge but to be like my mother and help that person keep the door open to change. Sometimes the outcomes were positive and sometime there was tragedy, but it doesn’t stop me from continuing to be that person. My hope is so much stronger than my belief in hopelessness. It is why I will always try knowing I could fail.  

As a father I hope I instill that in my children and as a leader I hope I do as well. There is no change without the risk of failing. Sometimes in life we just have to take a walk in the dark and hope we can find the light. 

To my brother Tracy ma would be proud of you. Starting your own business and taking care of Pop. I am proud to call you, my brother.  

Charles Redd RN 

Dignity Freedom Fighter