It is a new year and right around this time many of us make a commitment to change our lives. We are excited and motivated. We are finally going to lose that extra weight or go back to school or get the promotion we always wanted. We create this plan for the new year and when January 1 happens, we are ready to go for the gold. Motivation is a funny thing. It is great because it is the spark that starts the engine, but you cannot move forward down the road without a fill tank of gas, a working engine, oil, and 4 tires. You may be asking what does that mean Charles? I cannot tell you how many barriers have stopped my motivation dead in its tracks. Life has its ups and downs, and we must have a plan to get through those barriers when our motivation is ripped away from us.
The driving force for my mother was her 3 sons Charles, Ken, and Tracy. She decided to raise us on her own. Three boys ages Five, Four, and Two. Her motivation was to create a life where her sons could be successful. I will tell you she hit some barriers, many of them caused by us but her driving force was the love she had for her sons. Later when she remarried, she had that same commitment to our Pop when he became sick. My mother was an example of true love, commitment, and dignity. It took me a long time to realize why I was failing and making poor choices. It was because my “why” was not significant enough.
I thought success was measured by money, position, and praise. As Dr. Hicks would say in her book Leading with Dignity, I focused on the “me” or I had a fixed mindset. Every failure to me was not a lesson but I believe that I could not be any more than I am. I would use excuses like my race or where I grew up. The opportunities for success in my life were limited for me because of things I could not control. I felt sorry for myself which then turned to anger and when anger guides your decision it can only lead to pain for you and for those you love.
I have never shared this but in 1987 when I moved to the Berkshires, I did not speak to my family for almost three years. I do not know why. I think I was ashamed of the person I had become, and I could not face my family. Nothing in the way that we were raised led me to cut ties because my mother and my brother’s hearts were always forgiving. We were the Four Musketeers. I made this choice because my mindset was off. I didn’t have the drive my mother tried to instill in me.
When I finally reconnected with my family it took a while, but they forgave me. It was the conversation that I had with my mother that changed everything for me. I complained that my success was being blocked because of my skin color. My mother stopped me and said where do you think we would be if I allowed those thoughts to guide me. She said life is hard and often unfair, but you must go out there and work hard to get what you want in life. Don’t through away all that I have done to give you opportunities I never had. You have a family, and you have a responsibility to do it for them. That was the day my work began.
Here I sit today, and I am blessed that my mother was able to see what she created. I take what she taught me, and I use it to help others. There are so many people out there struggling and just looking for a chance to be successful. Many of them have sat across the desk from me. I listen. I share my thoughts and I try to help guide them in the right direction. My hope is that I have been able to help others reach their goals. I believe the ultimate measure of success in a leader comes when you can help others reach their full potential. That is what my mother did for us, and I want to continue that legacy for others.
In 2024 turn your motivation into determination
Charles Redd RN
Dignity Freedom Fighter
Dignity Freedom Fighter 