I spent much of my life always looking for approval. I wanted to be accepted by others no matter what the cost. I allowed myself to be led by the behavior of others even though I knew it was wrong. My need to be accepted was more important than anything even if it meant hurting others. My desire to be part of the group was greater than doing what was right. I was looking to have my dignity validated by others because I did not understand that dignity was something I already had.
I was lost and in trying to find my way I caused some pain. When I look back on my life it is hard for me to face the fact that I have violated the dignity of others. I also realize that I was violating my own dignity by denying who I was capable of being and trying to live my life through the acceptance of others. I will tell you that it is a difficult thing to do. Many of the mistakes I have made in my life are because I needed someone else to tell me I was somebody.
I think we have all been there at some point in our lives or maybe we are still trying to fight our way through. I know for me it is that daily battle to try and live my life with what Dr. Donna Hicks calls the “Mandela Consciousness.” She named this after Nelson Mandela who said my dignity belongs to me and no one can take it. I believe this is what helped him survive 27 years in prison on Robben Island in South Africa. I know no better person than Nelson Mandela to mimic my life after but first I had to begin to look at my past and try and discover what made me take the path I took in trying to find acceptance.
In 2020 I had the chance to meet Dr. Hicks over a Zoom meeting and one of the things she shared with us was called a vulnerability inventory. This is where you look back at your life and reflect on ways your dignity was violated because those violations have a significant impact on your life and how you live it. I did that and that is when I began to understand why I took the path I did as a young man. It helped me to understand the things I did wrong and the hurt I caused not just to myself but to others. But what really changed my life was being able to speak my truth out loud. It is one of the reasons I write this blog. My hope is that my journey will help others. My hope is that people will understand that Dignity belongs to us, and no one can take that away.
I have spent much of my time over the last 2 years forgiving myself and asking those I hurt for forgiveness. Sometimes I am forgiven and sometimes the hurt is too deep for them to forgive me. What I have learned is that I must take this journey no matter how difficult. It is how I will find balance and it is the right thing to do if I am to honor dignity.
In the words of Master Yoda from Star Wars, “Do or Do not. There is no try.”
I choose to DO.
Charles Redd RN
Dignity Freedom Fighter
Dignity Freedom Fighter 