Acknowledgment: “Give people your full attention by listening, hearing, validating, and responding to their concerns, feelings, and experiences.”- Dr. Donna Hicks PhD, Dignity Its Essential Role in resolving Conflict.
I have a friend who would often say negative things about themselves. When they did, I would come back with a positive comment thinking that I was making them feel better. We all do it. It’s human nature to want the people we care about to feel better. So, if they say I look ugly in that dress our response would be no, you look beautiful and then we believe everything is better.
One day I was talking to a friend, and they once again said something negative about themselves. I was so frustrated that I went into this long monologue about how wonderful they are and that I could not understand why they were always putting themselves down. I said look at how successful you have become. I said you are a great mother. You give back and are always willing to help others. I told them I wasn’t going to listen to that negative talk anymore and at that point there was silence. Then something truly amazing happened. It was one of the most valuable lessons I have learned as a friend and as a leader. My friend asked me why I did not acknowledge their feelings. I was told I did not listen and that they were not looking for me to fix them or make them feel better. They just wanted to have someone listen to them. I violated her dignity by not listening. She had a story to tell but I did not let her tell her story or share her experiences because I didn’t hear her because I was too busy thinking of my responses.
You would think I would have understood that as I had been there myself. We all must learn that often people come to us not for the answer but just to have us listen. When I began to listen, I gained greater insight into the person she was and is. It changed how we spoke to each other because we became better listeners. It helped me become a better listener at work and with my family. It taught me that it is ok to just sit and listen. It is fine to not have the answer because the solution could be as simple as hearing and acknowledging.
“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” Dalai Lama
Charles Redd RN
Dignity Freedom Fighter
Dignity Freedom Fighter 