How many times have we heard that phrase as kids from our parents and if you are a parent how many times have you found yourself saying the same thing? As we watch our children grow, we come to discover that they begin to form their own thoughts and opinions and those ideas are often the opposite of what we believe. “Because I said so.” does not seem to work as well anymore. We often spend our time arguing about differences and we miss what is important. The most important part of changing relationships from adult and child to adult and teen, and finally adult to adult, is our ability to listen to each other and to find common ground when we cannot let go of the child that we once held in our arms as they struggle to be heard and become independent.
My children have taught me so much about understanding that letting go does not mean I love you less, it means I am allowing you to face the challenges of the world and allowing you the freedom to choose your destiny. My problem is that I have made many mistakes growing up and I did not what my children to make those same mistakes so I would not allow them to grow and be their own person. I did not trust what I had taught them. I did not trust that they could make the right decisions without me saying “Because I said so.” I had to learn that they had the right to make mistakes and learn from them as I did. My responsibility is to give them the tools to go out into the world so that they are prepared to face the real-world challenges.
When I changed my mindset, it changed my relationship with my children. Even when they knew I might not agree with their choices, or I had a different opinion than they did they felt like they could come to me for support. There is no greater gift for a parent than to have their children’s love and trust. It all comes from honoring their dignity and allowing them to find their own identity. I had to learn to accept and deal with my biases about life and not put them on my son and daughters. My life experience is not their experience. I cannot protect them from all the obstacles life will throw at them, but I can prepare them to respond, and I can be there to help heal their wounds when they fall just like my mother did for me. These lessons help me to become a better listener, leader, and person. Although I am still a work in progress, I continue to grow because…………..
They are my children and “They said so!!”
Charles Redd RN (Registered Nurse)
Dignity Freedom Fighter
Dignity Freedom Fighter 