“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.” –Mahatma Gandhi
One of the challenges of being a leader is dealing with conflict. When we take on the role of leader, we must learn that conflict is inevitable and that how we handle it will dictate if we can resolve our disagreement and move forward or that we create an environment that does not honor dignity and leads to the breakdown of the team.
Dr. Donna Hicks in her book “Leading with Dignity,” chapter 16 entitled Resolve Current and Future Conflicts with Dignity gives excellent insight on conflicts and conflict resolution through the eyes of dignity. If you have the book, it is a chapter, I recommend you read over and over.
When I have delt with conflict as a leader the biggest challenge for me was keeping my bias in check. When you are the person who needs to resolve a conflict, it is natural to favor one side over another. The important part is to go into the situation open minded so that you hear both sides. When I began my leadership journey, I struggled with being open minded. If I had 2 team members who were in conflict, I would favor the one who I agreed with the most. It meant that the other party had no chance of being heard because I already concluded that they were wrong. This tactic did not work, and it cause division within my team. I acted the same way with my peers. I was right and that was it. I would act like I was listening to their thoughts but all I saw were their lips moving and I blocked out every word they said. It was not until I had a 360-degree evaluation that I learn what I was doing was wrong.
A 360-degree evaluation is when you have your team, peers, and supervisors evaluate you. It is anonymous and they are allowed to write comments. One of the hardest things I had to read. It put me in my place. It made me realize my arrogance and the belief that I was always right. It also made me realize how much I hurt my teammates and my peers. I did not have their respect. I did not honor their dignity. I made a promise that day to change. I spoke face to face with my team and my peers. I created goals for myself which I shared with my supervisors. I wanted to be held accountable. I read and I took trainings on conflict resolution but the biggest lesson I learned was from my mother who tried to teach me at an early age to listen twice as much as I speak.
When we take on the role of leader it is important that we give those we lead a voice. It is important to hear all sides of the issues. We must have an open mind and use the elements of dignity to guide us. Sometimes as leaders we must make changes that will impact the team, but we must still give them the opportunity to express their thoughts. No change can be successful without the support of the team, which means they need to be a part of the discussion.
It is not the fact that we must deal with conflict, but it is more about how we handle and address it. We must honor the dignity of those who agree or disagrees with us. We may never change their minds, but they will always be willing to listen.
“10% of conflict is due to difference in opinion and 90% is due to delivery and tone of voice.” – Unknown
Charles Redd RN
Dignity Freedom Fighter
Dignity Freedom Fighter 